We have to start somewhere....

We have decided to refinish this heirloom which was Mikes mothers and when I met him was sitting in the garage and had never been an intergrated part of his home. I remember seeing it and thinking " Jackpot" ! This piece is sooooo freaking cool.   I love the detail on it and I love the fact that its old and funky.  This is gonna be our daughters changing table. But, first its in much need of a little TLC. Anyone can go to KMart and buy a changing table this one has history , character and is going to be the perfect fit in our home. Now....do we paint it or do we keep it natural?? what do you think?

Walk through Your Obstacles

Yes, they do!   I just thank you God for all the things you have done for me and my family. Thank you for giving me a awesome husband who is smart, healthy, successful and loves me to death. Thank you for showing us favor and blessing us with this healthy baby to be,  a wonderful family and thank you for giving us financial liberties and blessings.  I know that I have angels that are watching over me (Mimi) and always serving , protecting and blessing us. Thank you, thank you, thank you !!

Nursery Creative Inspirations....thus far :)

So with less than 3 months before the baby is due, I have been on the move to create the babys room. I want it to be fun, colorful, whimsical,different, ATypical.....and feel like its also a part of us. Our home is bohemian yet chic. I want her room to feel the same? So here are some of  the pictures I have picked out that make me happy.

I love this one because these are fun.... I could see a group of these somewhere in her room :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

 I love these mobiles....great for the brain and also interesting....see this baby already looks freaked out. LOL

I love the strips on the ceiling and the wall of books.....not a wall of stuffed animals or toys. But, actually books....This is the chair that I want and I love the funky footstool. Loads of color ....with a splash of fun. Oh, and the "LOVE" pillow is a must!

This looks like my hosue, airy ,light , clean and bright. I love the turquise bedding and the yellow . I also want this sign for her room.

The Girafe Lamp.....I heart this :)

I love the turquise polka dot rug and the pillow on the chair......

This is sooooooo my style....I am digging this quilt big time and of course how light and airy it is. simple and clean....with pops of color.

Antique napkin banners....hung with cute little clothes pins....oh my ! I just swooned a little. I love these old monogram napkins and hankerchiefs.....so sweet.

what can I say.....if this had a slight modern edge to it, I would gobble it up. Love the blue peeking through from the back room, chandlier and the framed mirror. Oh, cant forget  the stipped chair...

 Its cool, fun and it lends itself to my bohemian, modern, beachy, chic style I sport here in Puerto Rico !

This is fun and its all me. I want to bring the feel of all of this into her room.....So, we will take you on the journey of her room....from Begining to end.....Hope you love it too !!

Fathers Day, Traditions and Change......what it really means ?

I thought "bose noise canceling headphones are apporpriate for the new baby thing ...ha ha ha

Father’s Day…… Why do we have it and what does it mean for me and my family?
When you start your own family you start to think about all the traditions that you would like to implement and have happen for your child and for your future family.  Family meals, holiday traditions, vacations in the OBX…. And many, many more. One of those things that I would like is for my children to know that it’s important to acknowledge birthdays, holidays and celebrate each other’s milestones.
 If I don’t make a big deal about my husband how will my child know he deserves a special day, if my husband doesn’t show his wife love, respect and appreciation what kind of example will that set for our children. If our kids never see us fight, resolve and makeup with hugs and kisses. How will they know how to come to solutions or have healthy problem solving skills? The way our parents handled conflict, family, life situations are we destine to repeat those same problem solving techniques even if we dont want to? What if you don’t want to carry those habits into my future family?   Does this sound like I am over analyzing things? ha ha ...a little wee bit ?? LOL ... Being Crazy? I don’t know but it is important to me and I think about these kinds of things.
Mike and I love each other, we have fun together and we acknowledge each other. It’s a good thing because we already do all that so I don’t think we would have a problem, but I always thought it was weird, when I hear about those couples that don’t even acknowledge each other, not that every birthday has to be a limo ride, but do something. So, being a contemplative person, always peeling back the layers of the onion in my own life. I look to see what I don’t want for myself so I may form what I do want for my family.  In my mind that seems natural, to others, I have been told I think too much. I guess I would rather think too much, rather than not think at all. LOL…
 My husband is my husband and my daughter’s father. He is not my business partner , my roommate or my other child. It’s freaky to me when you see people have marriages that are more parent & child, then husband and wife. The wife took the place of the husband’s mother and instead of being his wife; she acts more like a mother to him.  Then there is what I like to call “long suffering man” ,  we  have all seen those men in the grocery stores, following behind their mean wife, looking sad and beaten down, scared to even have an opinion that differs from his wife’s. They don’t hold hands, they don’t make love and their relationship is a distorted mixture of codependency and fear. Ughhhh... this scares the hell out of me. I tell my husband never , please, never let us stop pushing each other, never let us give up on each other like that, where it’s easier to go along with the persons delusions than to actually stand up to your husband or wife. People let fear control all sorts of things. It keeps people from trying new things. It keeps people from changing old things. If your husband is an alcoholic or a drug addict and you buy into his lies and cripple him because it’s easier than standing up to him or making him get help or face his dependency. I have to ask are you part of the problem or the solution?  People are so scared of change that even when it’s for the better they will deny themselves it.

I was watching something once on “60 minutes” where a couple who had been deaf for life, they were in their 60’s, had the possibility of hearing for the first time. They would have to undergo surgery and they would finally be able to hear for the first time in life. They both did it for their children and themselves, it was paid for by the company that had the hearing aids, the surgery was a success. The husband was astonished; he loved hearing the music, the waves, and his grandchildren’s laughter. The wife couldn’t deal with it, she had the implants removed and choose to be deaf  rather than hear. It was "Too hard “she said; she couldn’t handle the change. He grew, she didn’t. He wanted more, she didn’t. They then later had problems in their marriage because all the things he wanted to do in life, he was going to finally do, she didn’t want to do them. She was too scared. They separated after being married for 4 decades. Her unwillingness to grow, his inability to not grow. He couldn’t go back, she couldn’t move forward.  He had a taste of what it was like to have something he had never had. This story has always stuck with me; along with all those other stories you hear and see on the news. People that are kidnapped and kept hostage and when given the chance to escape, they don’t.  They stay with their abuser or rapist.  Stockholm syndrome, i think its called. Why? Fear! Fear of the unknown, fear that no one else will love them.  When someone controls you with fear or puts intrusive thoughts in your head, which is NOT love.  This to me is sickness.

That would be the ultimate failure for me; my husband loves me and loves me enough to let me know when I am wrong. That takes courage, which takes real strength and conviction. I do the same for him. It’s not easy to stand up to a bull headed spouse, but in the end, a real marriage makes you look at all of yourself, it mirrors you. This is what creates love and respect. If your spouse lies to you and you believe in their lies, to make them feel okay, then what do you have? You will eventually lose respect for the other spouse, because the heart of the matters will eventually come to light. You cant lie to yourself forever.

My husband is the kind of man that does the right thing; he will always step up to the plate, be the one that bites his tongue and sacrifice for the sake of his family or kids. I have never heard him ever put down his ex wife in front of his children, he doesnt do those kind of things to his children or people. Its not that he hasnt had negative thoughts or feelings, but he thinks of the bigger picture. He is a real man, not a weak man, subject to the emotions of a child.  My husband always says "Feel your Feelings, but Act on your Commitments" !
I love that, because at times you wont "feel like" being a good wife, husband, parent but when your commitment is to a bigger picture, like your marriage or being part of a family, or the mental health of your children. You do what is best for everyone, for the bigger picture, not for selfish immediate feelings of getting your way.

This is what seperates then men from the boys, the girls from the women. The people of intergrity and strength.
That is why,  when there is a chance for me to love on him and make him feel like he is "special" I like to go all out. Because he is special. He is not like anyone I know.
Even when we are broke, I go all out in other ways and so does he. Breakfast in bed, little notes, special homemade dinners, I will never forget the year of "love coupons". You don’t need a lot of money to show someone they are special to you.
Traditions are not about just baking the cookies on the holidays, because you took that role. They are about how you conduct yourself throughout your life,family and marriage. Do you children see you sweep your wife off her feet? Do they see you break out in song and laugh like a child? Do they know they can talk to you about anything or do they have to hide things? Are you a person that looks for solutions or keeps conflict happening. How you love people is also a “tradition”, how you open your heart and home to those you love shows people who you are.
I am making my own traditions with my family, some I have learned from my parent, grandparents and friends. and I will cherish,some traditions I will let die on the vine because they are not something I want to continue.  Only keeping the most precious loving traditions that serve everyone, not just me !

Family Reunion and the year of the Cicada......

 Family Reunions ....ahhhhhhhhh....

Cicada buzzing, the smell of fresh cut blades of grass, the lineup of potluck food, the sound of a hearty laughter and the whirlwind of kids running around in circles, the hug of an older cousin who hasn’t seen you since you were this big….and the tears of joy of new additions to the family or the embrace and the gentle grasp of a hand in support of someone that you loved that has just passed. It’s only once a year, why don’t we all make more time for it. And why haven’t I?

It marks another thirteenth year of the Cicada, I wasn’t here for the last time they came about I would have been 25 then, doing the college thing. But, the  last time before that I do remember the cicadas appearance I was 12 going on 13 and it was the last summer my Grandmother was alive. It is possible to feel melancholy about the year of the cicada? Those crazy bugs that seem to annoying everyone but me, I actually find some kind of harmony and nostalgia in their grand appearance. Did they come out this year just to remind me that I need to reconnect inside and outside with what matters most? Is nature making its way through my heart through old memories of childhood summers? Uhhhmmmm.... probably not! Is it possible that I am a crazy sentimentalist that just hangs on to memories that others have long forgotten and tend to associate smells and sounds to people and last time I saw them? Most likely J

When I think about family reunions something warm and fuzzy comes over me. It is like sitting in your favorite chair with your favorite pillow, favorite blanket, a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows and the remote in your hand, with your feet up and you’re best pal at your side. Yep it’s that good! You feel hugged up around all the best of the best. My family reunions do several things for me internally.  
One they make me remember my Grandmother, she was my number one fan and I hers. I haven’t been anyone’s favorite since and maybe it was one of those very special things or relationships. Was I the child only a grandmother could love...? and love she did! I was very lucky that way.  My best memories of all my life were the times with my Grandparents. They were fun people, you can ask anyone that knew them and they would have something wonderful to say about them. This makes me shed a tear or two because that’s what I would love for my little butternut growing inside me also. When I am at the reunion and I see my grandmother’s brothers and sisters and I can see her in them, it makes me cry inside and sometimes outside too. I miss her. Is it possible to miss someone who died 25 years ago and still cry like it was yesterday?  It is, because as I write this I can feel the tears welling up inside me.

What I really miss is how she made me feel about myself. How she loved me and made me feel inside and out.  There is a quote I once heard, it goes something like “They say people remember you not because what you did for them or how much you bought them, but they will remember you by how you made them feel”.  Wow, amazing. I want my daughter to feel what I felt from my Grandparents.

This quote provoked me to dive even deeper into feelings, how do I make the people I love feel about themselves. How do I treat people I love? Do I take the time to hear their words when they speak? Do I ask them how there day is going? Do I celebrate their milestones and great accomplishments? Do I remember their birthdays and take one on one time with them to know them better?  I think I can do better in these areas. I think that some of the people I cherish most feel like I am very hard on them. How can I make someone feel the way I remember feeling.

How many times do I not hear my husband when he is telling me about his day? How many times do I let my Mom know she needs to be doing something differently?  How many times do I just roll my eyes when I hear something that I don’t approve of?   How am I making my family and friends feel?  Can I accept, love and treat them so they have the glow in their heart that I have when I think about my grandmother? I don’t know. That’s a mighty challenge. But, I do believe I can make the start.  

Good times..........